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In Search of Brother
Tuesday, July 15, 2014 * : Oh my Internet, work it girl! [She "duck-lips" towards the camera.] * : Really? That face as the ending? * : Duh, everyone knows the bigger the lips, the more the likes! * : Sixth graders are so weird. * : Hey, I'm in ... Actually, I have no idea what grade I am. [Enter Pencil.] * : Oi, 'o's a-mannin' the dinner tonight? * : Omg, it's me! I'm sorry, Mum, I went downstairs to get the TV remote and Lallie wanted me to take pictures for her PYM. * : Citlali, 'ow many times'a h'I tells'ee, we don't make people photograph us fer social media ... * : Somebody has to! And with Yaretzi at Camp Utabiri, you're the only one who's, like, left! * : U wot? * : But selfie mode doesn't work as well anymore! [Phone error noise.] * : And it won't let me upload 32 pics at once! [Pencil crosses her arms.] * : Wait, it never let me do that. * : [to Ximena] You, up. [Exit Ximena.] * : You, down 'ere 'till we find a way ter un-Monify yer food. [about to go up] * : Mum, dearest mother, may I ask a question? * : O' course! * : Can I get a new phone? Like, the new Landroid? * : I think I 'eard yer sister in the kitchen; methinks somethin' 'appened. [Pencil runs upstairs.] * : [sigh] Well, this is just gurt. [The theme song plays.] Wednesday, July 16, 2014 * : Hello * : This is a pre-recorded message to the [end of pre-recorded] Ughh, the Schreibers. [back to pre-recorded] family. Today is the start of the fifty-day period between now and the first day of school! If you are registering your child for kindergarten, now is the time! Early registration equals easier access to the good-quality teachers! If you fail to do so, your child's chance of getting a good education in this country is zero point zero zero zero zero zero ze [Pen hangs up.] * : Dad, what was that for? You can't hang up on our headmistress! * : You might not know this, but Mrs. Ball does have the ... best relationship with your mum and me. * : I know; she calls me the second spawn of Satan and gives herself an exorcism whenever she sees me. * : Wait, Dad, how many days are there until school? * : Exactly fifty. * : NOOOOOOOOO! [He runs upstairs in a hurry.] * : What was that for? [Sio shrugs.] * : Oi, I do some 'ome workouts f'r a minute an' I 'ear Wot'n'ale's been goin' on 'ere? * : It's ... it's ... * : An' take pride in wot you throw upon the ground, mwanangu. Thet may jus' be yer forebearers 'o'a come before'ee! * : That's just what this is about! [Pencil goes into the room. She holds Javier to calm him down.] * : You're visibly shaken. * : Mum, I have a school project. * : Wot? It's the middle o' the summer! * : Yeah, but this project takes 53 days to complete. And Dad said there's only 50 days until school! * : [excited] Fifty days? Well, wot's this project y'speaks of? * : It's ... actually something I might need Father for instead. * : U wot? Wote'er thet man can do, I can do ... better! * : [sigh] I've got the instructions in my cap. * : I won' look. [She places her hand on her eyes, making the screen go dark for a bit.] * : Okay. [reading] ::Dear student, welcome to your middle division classes of 2014 and 2015! The experience of being in over six classes in one day and meeting new people may sound like a difficult experience, but it is in fact easy. In this world of conflict, it can be hard to understand that objects around us all have their own stories. Your project is simple. Everyone's entry into Kenya is different from each other. Interview your family members and find out how they arrived in this wonderful nation. On the first day of school, we will all present before all of the classes. * : Wow. Y'jus' read'e. * : Yeah, and I really [Pencil gasps.] * : Oi, wait a minute! Why h'ain'ee geh'n an' askin' me 'bout this? Sier an' Saye ne'er asked me, I h'assume thet they all went to yer father. * : I didn't ask you because ... I don't think the mid-div kids will appreciate my saying "My mother's from Kenya, and so is her father, and so is his father, and so is * : H'Avi, not all o' me's from Kenya! * : But what would Avozinha say? * : I woul'n' guess. She refuses to share 'er life story at anythin' but Portuguese. [beat] But why ask yer dad? Leavin' Europe ter Africker er Americker out o' war er prosperité ... thet's e'eryone's story! * : I know, Mum, but * : Avi, you'll do fine on yer project. You should 'a jus' thought o' you've asked. * : Mum! * : Whatcha doin'? * : Oh, y'know, stress-workoutin' o'er yer brother's decision. * : Well, Mum, I have an idea. [Pencil puts down her barbells.] * : Wait, don' tell me. 'S this about yer phone? * : How did you know? * : Well, the fact thet you talked of'e las' night was a cle'er indicator, so good job on thet. * : #notbeingsubtle! * : An' I'm not a-gettin'ee h'a new phone until the one th'ee's got's completely dead. An' e'en then it'll be a used MePhone ... 4! * : Come on, Mum, this morning, my phone almost caught on fire! * : And I videoed! Then I tried to put it on PYM, but it did not work. * : 'Ow d'you almos' catch a thing on fire? An' it's workin' still, innit? * : Yeah, but * : This convo h'is o'er. [She goes back to her workout. Exeunt Zorah and Citlali.] * : Thanks for nothing, Ora! * : My success rate with Mum and Dad isn't perfect, y'know. * : Let's go bother someone else. [Suddenly, enter Pen with Javier following.] * : Hey, Penc, can I enter? * : I don' know, can ye? [She slaps him.] * : There is a child behind me! * : Y'di'n' care o' thet, Avi, no? * : [on the tablet] Not really. * : Wot's'ee doin' 'ere anyways? There's a football game on now. * : I know, but we're doing this project of Avi's. Something about the reasons we came here. * : I know! Now I'll be at the toilets, throwin' up. [Exit Pencil.] * : So, where's this story start? * : I actually have it written down somewhere. [He pulls a lever by his bed and the nightstand rises, revealing a large file cabinet.] * : [looking through] Let's see: Grade 8, Grade 7, Grade 6, October, September ... [finds it] A''ha!'' "How We Came to Canada". This comes from the year 2000, by the way. * : That's before I was born! And you wrote this? * : Well, it was actually your grandpa who wrote it for me. He tried to copy my writing font.As inferred in BFB, Pen and presumably Pencil have the best handwriting. * : Can I read it? * : Sure! [He hands over the paper.] * : "Once upon a time in the Salentine GallipoliBasically, it's the heel of the boot. lived a lady fair; Zenobia was her given name, Singrafè her sur ..." * : What? My not weird older brother is acting weird! [Sio stops.] * : Hey, Chavo, can you keep a secret? * : No. * : Okay. [He goes back to rummaging, but Salvador stops him.] * : Wait! You asked if I could keep a secret. Do you have one? * : No, no, of course I don't! * : You do! And you're lying, and I know it! * : I won't tell it to you. You'll tell the first person you see, who'll probably be Mum or Dad. * : I won't tell. * : Good. * : If ... * : If what? * : You're inventing websites now, yeah? * : I don't invent them, I just design * : Whatever. But can you make me a website that has a picture of cute bunnies in it? * : [slowly] Sure. I didn't know cute was your thing. * : And after some seconds, a giant monster pops up and scares the person watching! * : That sounds more like you. [Salvador nods.] * : Sure, I'll make that website. [Exit Salvador.] * : Wow, I think he forgot about my secret. [Enter Salvador again.] * : Oh yeah, and what's your secret? * : I blame myself. [to Salvador] You might want to hear this, Chavs ... the secret is ... * : Yes? * : Don't tell Mum and Dad this, but I haven't seen Cil in almost a month. * : What? You lost our brother! PENCIL! PEN! * : DON'T COME IN HERE, EVERYTHING IS FINE! * : [from the other room] Are you sure? * : YEAH! … Right. [to Sio] You said you wouldn't tell! * : Oh poop. * : "And that is the reason my family and I are true citizens of Canada, always here to stay, never to leave." [pause] Dad? * : Yeah, you might want to get rid of that part. * : I mean, this … plagiarised work is nice and all, but I don't think I can turn it in. * : Why not? Your grandpa likes to use words nobody knows. * : I know, but this essay isn't about how we came to Canada. It's about how we came to Kenya. * : Kenya, eh? [he thinks for a second] Come with me. * : Where? * : [climbing into the file cabinet] I've put so much stuff in here that it's a walk-in cabinet! * : Cool! [Javier climbs in too, effectively leaving the room. Enter Saye.] * : [to herself] Maybe if I take one shilling every minute, she won't notice! [Enter Citlali and Ximena abruptly.] * : HI SAYE! * : Oh , I wasn't stealing stuff. * : You're old, right? * : I'm mature, not old. * : So you know someone with a car? * : Yes, why? * : Do you think you can … * : Get Glamour and drive you two rugrats to the toy store? No thanks. My girl G's in Canada celebrating her eighteen-and-a-halfth birthday. * : Toy store? Ha! * : But we do have to go to the toy store. The fancy, expensive one. [she does the sign language for mobile phone] * : Oh, you mean the phone store! It's a ten-minute walk from here. I'll take you, I need a Landroid. * : Yeah, I hear those phones are cool! * : Omg, right? * : You've changed your mind. * : Y'know, I'm in here to get money to buy a phone too—mine exploded ten minutes ago. * : [sadly] Aww … * : We are pole kwa your loss. * : Then here we go! [Exeunt tres. At the same time, enter Javier and Pen from the filing cabinet.] * : It's a few legal documents from customs, but they'll accept it, eh? * : Woah, did you hear that? * : What was it? * : Saye, Lallie and Mona are going to the store to get a new phone, and it's a Landroid! * : What? There's no way they're doing that—who knows what they'll buy with my money! [Exit Pen. Javier stays in the room for a while. He looks through the documents.] * : No way! * : Greetings, younger brother! * : [taking his headset off] WHAT? * : I was wondering … can you keep a secret? * : Another one? Sio told me one too! * : Yeah, but this is different. Seriously different. * : Fine. * : And you'd better not tell. * : I won't. If … * : If wha * : I don't know, Sio's working on my dream website! You choose! * : Okay, I choose nothing. * : Oh, . * : Anyways, I was looking at Dad's immigration files and I found out his real name! * : Really? What is it? * : His name isn't really P-E-N … It's … [he whispers something unintelligible''Those who have watched the second-newest BFB (as of 4 February 2018) will obviously know.] * : No ''way, I have to tell someone! * : Don't! Dad will be mad I know! * : No he won't. He wasn't mad when I spilt his Shōhakoku on the carpet last week! * : Whatever. Just don't tell people. * : An' I was like * : And I was like * : Penc! * : Aye? * : We have to go to the phone store! * : Righ' now, why? * : It's our daughter! She needy''s us. [''A slap from nowhere.] * : We'd be'er go. Match, y'stay. * : Why are you here, anyways? * : Why wouldn't I, like, be here? * : An' wot about Avi's project? * : He can't write about me. * : Yay! I'm stayin' ter 'elp. [Exeunt Pen.] * : Omg, this is the best store in the universe! * : Nah, the one in Rome's the best. All roads lead to it, so it must be good! * : Lallie, can I borrow your phone? I need to call Mia and tell her stuff. * : Okay. [She hands her her phone.] * : You two can go shop inside. * : Really? * : Hooray! [Citlali and Ximena enter. Saye dials a number on the phone.] * : Hey, Mia! You'll never guess where I am! … No, I'm not at the airport. Where are you? … Hawaii? Omg, that's— [The shadow of Zorah runs into the building.] * : [laughing''Mischievously, as her father had done.] Hehehehehehe'HE''HE''HE'hehehehehehe … * : Hold on, girl, I just saw my evil little sister. [''She hangs up.] * : I think someone just forgot to say goodbye. * | }}: Ooh! Ah! *'Voice': If you like all this old stuff, you're going to love our newest: It's the MeClass of 2014! * : And who are you? * : I am Steve. Steve Cobs. Welcome to Meeple, where the future is so old that when it died everything was in black and white. * : Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! You were on Insanity!New update! In this universe, the names of object shows drop their "Object"-related prefixes. It's not called Human Survivor or The Human Bachelor, right? * : I was? * : He was? Sorry, I don't watch that show. Just BFDI, because, y'know … * : Don't mind her, she's got problems. * : Well, what do you have? * : [holding up various items] We have the MePad Pro … * : Hello! How may I be of assiWhen MePad first appeared, it was mid-2013 and therefore he was a MePad 4. * : How about the MePencil? * : 'Ello! Y'look like a fine lot a' kinner 'ere, don'ee think? * : No thanks, we've already got a pencil—our mother. * : Then may we suggest the MeKnesset? Simulate the Israeli government at the touch of your fingertips! * : Mr. Cobs, we know you're nice and all. * : The MeNgerine comes at Ksh 200—I know a fruit dealer! * : But we came because we have mobile issues. * : Oh, right. Then can you tell me the version of your phone? * : Oh, y'know … * : By the way, the most common types that people have these days are the MePhone 6 and the MePhone 6S. * : Then we have that one. * : So, what is your problem? * : We did not come to get a new MePhone. * : You got it, dude! * : Like, give us a Landroid. [slow motion] Llaannddrrooiidd … [The smile fades from Cobs's face. Suddenly, the exterior is shown, and a kicking-out sound is heard as it is in cartoons.] * : Ow. * : Mum, I was in the middle of * : Don' care. Y'says you di'n' wan' Dad to do yer project fer'ee, yeah? * : [slowly] Yeah … * : Well, look no further! 'Ere I've got all o' the pictures o' me movin' around. Look! Thet's me'n London, an' thet's me in Rio. De Janeiro. * : But Mum … * : If'ee've got any questions fer me, like, why's me own 'istory better than yer dad's, don' 'esitate ter ask. * : That's great and all, but * : Y'thinks y'shan' interview me, thet's fine. But I've got a microphone an' other stuff to prove meself. * : Are we really going with this? * : Aye! Yer father chickened out. An' yer mum stays strong like the true champion she is. * : [sigh] Okay, Mum, tell the story of how you got to Kenya. * : 'Twas a fine, fine, OMG so fine of a day in 1995. Teen pop 'ad jus' become popular, an' I was about ter enter primary school acos in Brazil they'd got me h'inter o jardim de infância , aye, thet's wot it's called. * : Ah, interesting … not. * : Meeple—only the best company in the world! [He enters.] * : Welcome to Meeple, where the future is so old, it hated dinosaur meat. * : That was a good one, Mr. [reading from his name-tag] Cobs. Is that short for Jacobs? * : Do you think I look like a Jacobs? I am a Steve!Nobody will get this one. * : Sorry about that. * : How may I be of assistance? * : Well, I was looking for three girls of mine, they wandered in here trying to get a phone. * : These monsters? [He plays the MeCurity footage and sure enough, it's them.] * : You mean my daughters? * : They asked for a Landroid in a Meeple store! Isn't that insulting? * : Darn right it is! * : You go your way! [He shows him out the door.] * : I sent them outside. No Meeple, no service. * : Y'know, Mona, I'm okay with my own phone. * : Yeah, yours is the only one that didn't explode or burst into flames. * : Yet. [Surprised, the girls turn around and see Saye and Zorah.] * : I found her in the middle of the store convincing people to buy new MePhone 1s. * : That's not a thing! * : It will when all the other MePhones self-destruct! And you would love to hear what I found. * : If it's a bug and another bug, count me out. * : No! Feast your eyes on … these! [Zorah shows her hands, and in them are a couple of new MePhone models.] * : Oh my kid factory! Are those the new MePhones? * : Tip top quality! * : And you … you stole them? * : Sis, no! Do you know how strong their security is? A giant MePhone waiting to fall down on you if you try to steal?IIII 8 1602 This is why good things never happen to us! * : Are you stupid in the head? I see them right here. * : I didn't get these from the Meeple store, I got it from this Chinese seller guy. [Flashback.] : : I would as much MePhone as my mother has children. : : Would that be one?Cassim—Ali Baba—it's a double reference! : : No, ten. [He trades her the phones with the money.] : : Xie xie, wo xi wang zai ci he nin yi qi gou wu! [End of flashback.] * : I didn't know you knew Chinese. * : Eh, it helps on this thing called the black market. * : We should probably phone Dad and make sure he knows we're okay. * : I volunteer my phone! [She calls Pen.] * : Hello? * : Hi, this is Lallie! * : Where are you? I heard you and your sister have been booted from the Meeple store! Haha. Booted. It's funny because computers. * : [groans] Dad! * : We're almost home! Where are you? * : Wandering the city for the last few minutes; all these women keep staring at me. I have to say "I'm married" in 18 languages! * : We should have called earlier, but … well, it's a surprise. * : I'm just glad you're safe. [to someone else] No offence, but I can't be hit on by you. You look like you're 92 years old. [A slapping sound. They both hang up. At once, Sio opens the door.] * : What, no goodbye? * : Thanks for opening the door! * : May we reward you with a new MePhone? * : What the flip, you got, like, ten? How? * : It's a long story * : which she'll be glad to tell in Mandarin. * : You might have to take one away. * : You can't find Cil at all? * : How did you know? * : I'm the oldest daughter. I know everything. * : I'm going to be in trouble for a million million years. But first, I think I'll just go take a nap. [Exit Sio.] * : Goodbye! [Enter Salvador.] * : Hey, where's Dad gone? I need to tell him a secret! * : Who did you trust with a secret? * : Oh, Sio and Avi. * : Two? Wow, they're stupid. * : Well, Dad's been running away from some ladies in the city, so he should be here [Enter Pen, out of breath.] * : by now. * : I'm … finally here! * : Dad, what happened to you? * : I was chased by a bunch of foreign girls. [Pencil appears from the top of the staircase.] * : Wot about the foreign girls? * : Oh, you should have been there. You would have really fended me off. I mean, it was crazy! * : I bet I would. [During this, Javier silently escapes into his room.] * : So 'ow was yer days? [The girls all hide their new phones behind their backs.] *'Daughters': Good! * : Thet's good to know. I'm a-workin' on a project, aye, the one 'e cancelled with you, m8! * : Am I suddenly a victim now? [The girls back away into their room, but one of Zorah's phones falls with a thud.] * : Shut up! This might work! * : I could hear that, I was trained in espionage. [looks at the floor] And what is that phone doing on the floor? * : Wo bu hui shuo Ying Yu. [Silence.] * : Okay, okay, the truth is I bought nine new MePhones for the price of one ninth from this Chinese seller guy! * : Zorah … that was just * : Non-necessary? * : No! This is the greatest act of sisterhood I have ever seen out of you! * : Aw, you mean it? * : You've never been this nice. Y'know, I should reward you with an unlimited supply of Dabry movies! * : WHAT? * : Not only has she proven herself not to be my evil kid, but she stuck with the family brand. MEEPLE FOR LIFE! * : That's it, I can't take it anymore! * : What do you mean? * : Dad, you might not like this, and you might be a little angry at me, but … [sigh] I'm … * : Oh, I get it. I won't be mad, I've totally prepared for one of my kids to say this, just not you. * : I'm actually … a Landroid fan. * : [as Leafy did in ep. 23] WHAT. * : I didn't want to tell you, but I don't feel good owning Meeple products all the time! * : But they're tradition and they're efficient! All the tech I've ever owned came from Meeple most other technology is just … bad. * : But have you ever tried other technology? * : Well … no. * : You should! * : I know it's good to try new things, and I tell you kids the same thing too. But my family—we always have got this thing where we buy one brand and never get the other. * : Dad, you're pretty much what my teacher called a millennial. * : As I am aware. * : But I don't think we should focus our lives on brands and stuff. * : Don't you own, like, fifty name-brand clothes? * : I know, but I don't shop for names, I shop for beauty! Dad, I know that you grew up in a very rich life, but the truth is, most people in our country are really poor. They're lucky to own just a mobile phone! They won't care what kind or colour or anything is! They just want what they need. Can we do the same thing in our house? [Silence for a few moments.] * : Y'know, you're right. I have been acting a little … dumb. Tell you what, we'll go down to the Landroid shop and we'll get you that new Landroid Marshy Marsh or whatever they call it. * : Marshmallow? * : Yeah, that! * : Maybe in a few months when my MePhone breaks. That's just my way of thanking Zorah! Can I play now? Giving the talk is more boring than I thought. * : Sure, go ahead. [Citlali goes into her room. Having learned something, Pen sighs.] * : This is the life! [Enter Javier.] * : Saye, can I ask you something? * : Sure, but ask it over there. You're blocking my view. * : Sorry. So, when you entered middle school, did you have to do that How-I-Got-To-Kenya project? * : Yes. And no. * : What do you mean? * : You see, nobody actually did the project, because nobody actually does summer homework. I remember my own presentation, three years ago. [Flashback.] : : Up next is Pencil C. Schreiber. Ugh, just proof that some people shouldn't reproduce. : : Hello, everyone, my name is Saye and you're probably wondering how I even got to Kenya. Well, my people were born on this super rad planet called Jurftingel, and everyone there ate fish sticks and loved me because I was and am still the queen!This was a year before Season 4. [The crowd of students laugh, ending the flashback.] * : It's not about how hard you do, it's about how funny you do. After all, middle school is a pretty crazy place! * : Really? I don't even have to try? * : The only thing you need to try is to find the people who actually did try and make jokes about them for the next year. Sio can tell you the same thing, if he's awake now. * : Thanks! You're really helping me become cool! * : Ehhh ... whatever. * : It's the 100-day anniversary since my Yumenator first worked and I've had the best dreams since! * : [off-screen] Where to tonight? * : How about ... that beach in Hawai'i we went to? [Real-dimension footage of a beach in Waikiki.] * : Never mind, make it Bora Bora. [The image changes. Suddenly, the screen goes dark.] * : Oh no, technical difficulties! Now I'm going to have to sleep like a normal pers [A voice rings out, deep and slow.] *'Voice': PPPPEEEENNNN ... * : That's my father's name. *'Voice': YOOOU'LL NEEEEEED MEEEEE ... * : Not following. *'Voice': THIIIIIS IIIIIS YOOUUR BROOOOOTHEEER ... * : I knew this is the work of Salvador! I'll make his website soon, I promise! *'Voice': YOOUUR OOOOOTHEEER BROOOOOTHEEER ... CIIIIIL ... * : Cil, that's you? You have been missing for so long, people are beginning to forget you! *'Voice': BUUUUUT IIIII'M RIIIIIGHT HEEEEERE .... * : Nice try, but *'Voice': I'M RIGHT HERE, NOW WAKE UP! [Sio wakes up and the room is still unlit. He looks up, and at the bottom of his bunk bed is Cil.] * : Oh my God ... * : It is me who is speaking currently! You found me! * : Am I still dreaming? * : I have been here for so long of a time period nobody even took an attempt in finding me. * : That's ridiculous! I looked all over for you for, like, ever. * : Then you might have looked everywhere except for your own room. What kind of brother are you? [Flashback to a montage of Sio running around the house for the last few weeks.] * : Did you even check above you when you sleep? * : I'm more concerned about how you were able to talk, paddle, breathe and not explode'XX 0732' you look like you've been stuck there for * : One month? I know. But as you can see, I am not like the rest of you brothers and sisters. Unlike the rest of you nine, who were made in an object factory, I was made out of love. The pure hard love of our parents. * : Don't remind me, please. * : Più zucchero, per favore? * : Oh, don' mind if I do. [She takes a sugar cube from a tray and gives it to him.] * : * : Y'know, we could probably make an eleventh child this way * : No! * : I find it great that you are able to survive and thrive here, but can you do me a favour? * : What would you like me to do? * : Tomorrow morning, Dad's probably going to do a headcount to see if all of us are, y'know, alive. Please be present so I look good! * : Eh, okay. * : Yay, thanks! * : Can I have my sleep now? * : You've been sleeping for the past like month. [Beat.] * : True. Good night! * : Good night! Thursday, July 17, 2016 * : Cil, wake up! I think this is our signal! * : I come, brother. * : Won't people notice you've been gone? * : No, they won't. * : Wait, Cil was gone? * : To be fair, there are ten of us. * : That is truly reassuring. [All report to the kitchen.] * : What's the emergency, Dad? * : I have an announcement to make. But first, I need to take attendance through a headcount. [He counts silently.] * : Nine kids, one not here ... Perfect! * : You can go now. * : Good, I am tired. * : See you when it's time for kindergarten! [Exit Cil. Enter Pencil.] * : Oi, this better be h'important, I need to get a reason fer me to wake up! [A. R. I.] * : I think I've been keeping this secret for long enough from you all, so I've decided to rip the bandage! * : Omg, are'ee h'injured? * : It's an expression! Anyways, you kids know my name, right? * : Your name is Dad! * : No it's not! It is * : Pen! * : Yes, but did you all know that's not my actual name? * : Yeah! Grandma told us you were born as Penn [Pencil covers her mouth.] * : Oi, don'ee date say thet name les' we've another 'one explosion. * : [with mouth covered] Sorry! * : WHAT'S YOUR NAME? * : I'm actually called ... [A pause as he hesitates.] * : ��️en! [Everyone gasps.] * : What? That's not true! Oh G-d, he even got the emoji there. * : Face it, ��️en, it's true. * : [sigh] Fine, that's what I was called. * : Oh Gosh, how Jewish are you? * : An' why'd'yee wait to tell us now? * : I was going to keep this a secret for a long time, but when your mum and I were ... y'know ... [He does the eyebrow thing with Pencil.] * : Oh, I see ye. * : And I'm going to barf. * : And then I found that thing I didn't want to tell her about. * : Aye, wot was thet? * : My immigration papers. * : Oh. You know, when y'wants to say thet there's nothin' there, it's non è nulla, not non "wot's thet word". * : Big picture, why is your real name ��️en? * : That? Only 2005 kids will get this. * : Hey! I'm in school with people from 2005! * : [sigh] I was tired of people thinking about me the wrong way, so when we moved here from Canada, I had to do a change. * : Wot kind o' change? * : Yeah, what kind? * : I had to change my name! So, on the official papers, I chose the manliest name possible. [Beat.] * : And you chose * : It means "son" in Hebrew! What could be more masculine than that? * : Abba? 'Tmeans "father"! * : Yes, because every boy wants to be compared to the dancing queen. * : True! But why'n 'ow d'ye change from ��️en to Pen? * : That, my dear, is a question for the legal system to answer. [Pen goes upstairs.] * : Thet, me kids, is why yer father remains mysterious to this day. [Pencil follows.] * : I want to sleep now. * : Me too! * : I'm going to be honest, but I want to pretend all of this never happened. * : Same! [All retreat to their rooms.] * : [shaking Salvador] Chavo ... bro ... child number #8! * : [immediately] WHAT THE DO YOU WANT? * : Do you remember when I promised to make you that website? * : What website? * : Like he shouldn't know! That screamer thing in exchange for * : Oh, oh, oh! * : What, what, what? * : You don't have to do that! The whole family know Dad's name now! * : Are you kidding? I spent minutes creating that! * : Good. * : I've got it loaded up already. [He turns on the computer and the website is there.] * : Like it? * : Meh. * : Well, I made it tailored especially for you. Just look closely. * : Do you think I'm a wimp? Nothing scares me. [Happy music plays. Suddenly, an image of puppies, kittens and unicorns fills the screen as there is a sound of children's laughter.] * : AAAAAAAAH! THE END Category:Episodes Category:New episode